Posts Tagged: Putin

Jul 18

“God Bless Russo-America!”

July 4, 2031. “Today we thank the Holy Father and St. Boris and St Xenia for rescuing America from its nightmare of chaos and uncertainty. We give thanks for the Red, White and Blue Militias–American revolutionaries and Selected Special Forces of Russia–who spilled their blood in the struggle to rescue America, as reported by the Heroes of Social Media. With one voice we  hail the holy martyr, Donald J. Trump, who died in office as he struggled for the cause. Many other  heroic actions made possible the Great Gasp of Relief as America was liberated by Emperor Vladimir I: The Glorious Acceptance of the Sovereignty of Mother Russia and the Russian Orthodox Church, signed by General George Foster and Admiral Slevins in 2026, as well as the unanimous entirely-democratic fully-counted votes authorizing America’s Blessed Uniting with Russia on July 4, 2028. And we honor the Joyous Welcome by the Voluntarily Disarmed American Military.

“We celebrate the Anniversary of the Blessed Uniting with the execution of 100,000 homosexual blasphemers and 11,000 reactionary domestic terrorists, to be followed by the greatest of all military parades: the Parade of Steel will celebrate our declaration of war on the People’s Republic of China…God Bless Russo-America!”

Jul 18


“Shortly before Trump’s inauguration, according to Israeli journalist Ronen Bergman, Israeli intelligence officials gathered at CIA headquarters, where they were told something astonishing: Russia, the agency believed, had “leverages of pressure” over the incoming president. Therefore, the agency advised the Israelis to consider the possibility that Trump might pass their secrets on to Russia. The Israelis dismissed the warning as outlandish. Who could believe that the world’s most powerful country was about to hand its presidency to a Russian dupe? That the United States government had, essentially, fallen?” Please read this article at New York Magazine:

Jun 16

From SEX HUNGRY DICTATORS Magazine (inspired by real news)

Trump said, “I’m tired of waiting, Kim.” He tore off his shirt and advanced on Kim Jong Un whose eyes widened, the North Korean dictator’s tongue caressing his lips with excitement. Then the door burst open and–

But first, here’s a real quote from Trump about Kim Jong Un Dictator of North Korea: “How many young guys — he was like 26 or 25 when his father died — take over these tough generals, and all of a sudden … he goes in, he takes over, and he’s the boss,” Trump said. “It’s incredible. He wiped out the uncle, he wiped out this one, that one. I mean this guy doesn’t play games.”

And here’s a real quote from CNN: “Donald Trump on Friday praised Vladimir Putin and appeared to defend the autocratic Russian president when pressed about his alleged killing of journalists and political opponents critical of his rule… Putin called Trump a “bright and talented” and the “absolute leader of the presidential race,”‘

News from a couple days ago: KIM JONG UN ENDORSES TRUMP for President.

…back to our story. Donald Trump turned from the silk sofa and the half-nude Kim, and The Donald’s eyes widened, his tongue caressing his lips. Then he said, “Vladimir!” Putin–already stripped from the waist up–stepped into the room, closing and locking the door, and turned furiously to Kim. “Get away from Donald. He’s mine!”

“So you say! But–” Kim panted. “You must prove it!”

Putin nodded. “Both of you–onto the sofa. Someone’s got to be ‘the top’ around here…”

(Anyway, it would be from Sex Hungry Dictators Magazine if there was one)