Christ *did* arrive this morning to start Rapturing people & Judgment Day, but sadly he had the bad judgment (day) to appear in Texas, where they ID’d him as a liberal, called him a hippie faggot because of his appearance–they said, “The Lord ain’t no Liberal so you ain’t him.” So they crucified him–thought they were being funny–and now we gotta wait another 2000 years.
They got the whole story wrong about what Christ was going to do. He was going to send all the right-wing Republicans (and other wicked fascistic or vicious people) to the lonely darkness of the actual afterlife punishment where they sit around with each other, bitching endlessly; Christ was going to make all gay people who’d died of HIV arise and be angels, and then host a giant world party, with himself and Mary Magdalene (his old lady) as the hosts, special guests, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna, and Elijah, and a bunch of voodoo spirits who, he says, really know how to party. Music was to be provided by Jimi Hendrix, with Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin singing. Keith Moon on drums. Bass by John Entwhistle. But then the Texas Christians killed him and ruined everything.