Posts Tagged: curmudgeons

Nov 18

The Spectrum of Curmudgeons


Some curmudgeons are digging moats
and filling them with gators,
Some curmudgeons are passing gas
in crowded elevators;
Some curmudgeons are kinda nice
– don’t get on their wrong side–
Some curmudgeons are ladies
rocking a big ol double wide;
Some curmudgeons are laughin’
at this technology,
but they write on facebook
about taxonomy;
some curmudgeons are right-wing,
some are pissed-off old commies–
some curmudgeons hate em all,
and some are lovin’ mommies;
Some curmudgeons wave a cane
but they do it while they dance,
some curmudgeons swear by prayin’–
they ain’t gonna take a chance;
some curmudgeons jeer at churches,
they sneer at all that stuff;
they’ll chase those mormons with their belts,
and if they catch ‘em they get rough;
Some curmudgeons make tater salads;
and bring em to the church,
some curmudgeons sing cowboy ballads
from a horse n’ saddle perch;
Some curmudgeons will spit fire–
they target your neurosis–
some curmudgeons spit only spittle
laced with halitosis;
some curmudgeons growl at kids,
then let them pet their baby kitty;
some curmudgeons have twenty kids–
(they deserve our pity);
Some curmudgeons hate pollution–
some pollute like the Marlboro Man–
some curmudgeons yell at the neighbors
but help them when they can;
The point is there’s a spectrum–
let a zillion curmudgeons bloom:
we know the bastards when we see em:
we’ll plant roses at their tombs…

Oct 18

Ah,Youthful Rebellion! Ah, Elderly Curmudgeoning! Both are Glorious

After their first decade young people seem enter a phase of rebellion, which seems to be naturally built into us so we can more easily fly the nest, and also because it helps social evolution. The skepticism of the teen or young adult leads to innovation and some of it is good, which in turn leads to a sociobiological benefit, advancing the chances of species survival. When we consider the innovations of youth, that last bit, the benefit, may be hard to believe. But it’s to be taken in context of social evolution, which like biological evolution sheds many failed experiments… Some mutation is good, much just falls by the wayside. Social evolution (and art) then benefits from the rebellion and innovation of the young, and that innovation benefits from the critique and advice of curmudgeonly seniors.

Oct 15

Curmudgeon Doggerel

The aches, the pains, the discomfort list
–enough to make an elder pissed.
In your 60s, crackling joints:
you start to wonder what’s the point.
And that is when you realize:
“old curmudgeon” is just your size;
You’ve earned the right to be a grump
you’ve just cause for that cane’s thump;
You comprehend the glint of eye
flashed from the man of sixtyfive;
You dig that look from the inside
as you buckle for the final ride.

The right to be a grouch is yours;
you yowl at cats and bark at curs;
you snatch their ball from on your lawn,
and toss it on their roofs at dawn;
you pass your gas in subway cars,
you glare at bearded hipster bars;
“Oops!”, you bump their iPhones down,
to sewer gratings–never found.
Call the cops on that loud party,
even when the band is arty;
you sneer at teen girl’s skirts at malls–
“When I was young they were twice as small!”
Aging’s a creep, but it’s worth it all
–to be free to mock millennials!

–John Shirley