25
Jul 15

On the Mass Murder Channel–Coming This Weekend!

THIS WEEKEND ON…THE MASS MURDER CHANNEL! Mass shootings, mass knifings, mad bombers–we have them all day, all week, 365 days a year! Now that is coverage!!

…The MMC presents an interview with the DC Sniper himself! “Deek Snipes” as the fans call him will talk planning strategy! (Interview conducted before his execution.)

And…Is the Louisiana theater shooter small change–just three kills?–or was he a talented beginner with bad luck? Our MMC panel discusses!

Let’s get coldly analytical on our Saturday Midnight Massacre as we review and compare the Aurora and Sandy Hook killings–is the choice of weapons really so important? Contrast their gear, and text us your opinion!

On the Sunday Strafe we take along cool look through our telescopic sights at the mass murders in other countries. There aren’t many! Is gun control to blame?!

MMC–the channel that loves the 21st century, and is ready to take it from our studio right to your sofa, camera lenses ablazing!

[Or, you could just watch CNN]


18
Jul 15

Is ANT-MAN’s Shrinking POSSIBLE? Why…NO! However…

…Friends and I were discussing how the super shrinking in ANT-MAN and THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN and THE ATOM…could be rationalized. How it could be possible. Well, it’s NOT possible BUT…

If I was writing the script I’d use one of three dodges I can think of to make it seem possible–eg, the Incredible Shrinking Man, Antman etc, have some of their mass “projected into the fourth dimension” –it still is attached to them in a way however–and I stole that from Isaac Asimov, who used it in Fantastic Voyage novelization. OR I would point out that there is *said* to be way more space in atoms than substance, and therefore you can do a lot of theoretical compression if you can control the interaction of compressed subatomic particles…OR…

One can use the ever popular “quantum universe” dodge, suggesting, for example, that problematic particles are projected to a “spooky action at a distance” detachment, for example, and other “quantum physics as magic” kind of talk. NONE of this would convince me that it’s really possible, but it would aid in suspension of disbelief. But they don’t hire guys like me for stuff like this, because they prefer you say it’s possible because of Pym Particles or something and leave it at that.


12
Jul 15

Duality Looks At Us

Faces are divided into two equal halves; symmetry of eyes on each side of the nose, of cheeks, matching opposite halves of mouths: with people, with animals, insects. Plants are symmetrical too, for the most part. . .We see this mirroring in organisms, notice it now and again, don’t think about it much. But…

It seems so expressive, like an artful depiction of nature’s inner essence; as it it’s the appearance taken by the projection of life out of the universe where everything is an iteration of duality.

Action, reaction, a third thing that emerges from those two, which in turn becomes an action, generating a reaction. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. One eye, two eyes, face. And, in the old myth symbols, a third eye is placed between the two.

Hands clap and sound emerges; a face comes roughly together in two halves (even in Quasimodo, despite some asymmetry), in our perception, and it can seem as if there’s an emanation from between the two halves. Certainly in the “faces” of blossoms, something emanates. Duality looks at us from–everywhere.


30
Jun 15

Who Would Harm a Cartoon Bird?

Was walking the dogs and saw a couple of cartoon birds. They were California Quail, a male and female, young, cartoonish creatures the like of which find their way into actual cartoons pretty often. They look Disney-designed. The males are pudgy, with sartorially splendid markings, stylish piping of white about black masks, golden yellow speckling a proud breast that looks like something from a Punch illustration of a fat Brit noble–and of course, that bold and impudent plume drooping over their beaks, a kind of apostrophe always setting off the bubbling pip pip noises they make. They run, these guys, more often than they fly, sprinting like roadrunners when pursued. They love a good dust bath too–they totally luxuriate in dust baths.

And they like parties. Once I went out behind my house and found a large covey, or really a whole flock of them, communing along the edges of my roof, on tree branches, the fences–scores and scores of them facing inward into the yard, pipping and plipping at one another. I read that they’re “highly social” and in this case they were positively conventioneers.

On the walk I watched the young quail couple making a single dotted line across the ground through someone’s yard, the female following in the exact turns of the trail left by the male. A charming sight. Sometimes it’s relaxing to unashamedly revel in the site of an adorable, plump little bird with a plume. Who would harm such a–*BLAM!* Dick Cheney at a “game farm”…where “hunters” go into a fenced area, find the little birds, and blow them to pieces, for fun, with a shotgun. Cheney loves to do it with quail, doves, grouse… and if he’s been drinking he might shoot his friend in the face.


25
Jun 15

Why Are There No Flying Cars? Because…

“Where are the flying cars I’ve been waiting for?” There are prototype flying cars, which fly, but there are vast complications with them. For one thing, if you run out of gas in an ordinary car it rolls to a stop on the road; if you run out of gas in a flying car it crashes through a roof, maybe hits a day care center, or smashes into a refinery, or crashes into the river and the person drowns; maybe it crashes into traffic from above, and so on.

Then there’s the question of landing and taking off in one. Sure, most of that can be automatic, in many cases, especially as such techs evolve, but even then–where do you put all those runways? Even if it’s landing pads you need lots of them for lots of flying cars…Then there’s air traffic. We already have air traffic–we’d have to route flying cars around and through it. How complex is that? Will the signals for directing flying cars onto a specific route interfere with plane tech?

You could say we already have another sort of flying car–they’re called helicopters.


21
Jun 15

Annoying Spit Splattered, Neck Jabbing Television Trends

Certain current television conventions, which sometimes overlap into movies, irritate the hell out of me. The latest one is, when people French kiss, they do it face on, nose to nose, instead of turning their heads more naturally at an angle, and then they are going glup-glup glob-glob and simulate pushing giant alien tongues down each others throat, as if they’re trying to mutually lick tonsils. It makes me think of two house painters, who dip big paint brushes into buckets of saliva; they then turn face to face and slap the brushes up and down, up and down sloppy brush on brush. In real life, with anyone who’s not mentally handicapped, kissing that includes tongues is not like a dog sticking its whole snout in a giant bowl of meat-fat and gorging itself. I am not saying French kissing is disgusting–not at all. I’m saying current television “French kissing” is not French kissing at all. It’s some idiot’s idea of passion.

Second, in TV shows people are always sticking syringes in people’s neck, all the way in, to knock them out with some potion. If you jammed a three inch or even two inch needle in someone’s neck they’re not going to wake up just fine. If you just happen to miss the jugular–in the typical show this syringe stabbing in the throat is always done apparently at random, long as it’s in the neck–they might live; and *if* you don’t go too much to the side and hit the spine, they might not become paralyzed; even then you’re going to have an enormous ugly swelling on the neck, and possibly a blood clot, agonizing pain, many broken blood vessels some of which will need surgery. Stick the damn syringe in their hip or something. I suppose they think it’s really *cinematic* to do it this way, with the throat, it looks better, but it’s STUPID. Just add an extra wider shot, if you have to have the neck-jab trank syringe.

That’s if you have to include this whole “syringe in the neck” knockout crap. You don’t–at this point, having it in the story is pure hack writing.

Famously they were having fighting gunmen in gangs and so on turning their pistols sideways to shoot, for awhile. This is fading now, because everyone pointed out to the directors that no one really does this and it’s an ineffective use of a gun. You can’t shoot very accurately that way. So maybe they’ll also stop jamming increasingly large needles in people’s necks and increasingly grotesque tongues into mouths soon.


20
Jun 15

What the Charleston Mass-murderer Has in Common With the Very Few Americans Who Try to Join ISIS

I think the Charleston shooter did it for the same basic “reason”, the misguided reason, that a very few young American Muslims join ISIS. Because they feel centerless, unfocused, unappreciated, powerless, empty. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the normal feeling of not knowing what to do with life, common to a young person; I don’t mean normal youthful confusion. I mean, things are worse now. They can’t find a place in the world–simply as young men. This makes them prey to extremists.

So this young man, who once had some black friends, feels the way those lost ISIS recruits feel–and he falls in with online racists, possibly through the racist youth organization Stormfront–and local racists too, no doubt…and he wants to belong, wants respect. And he’s angry, all the time, anyway. We don’t know why yet. But that’s part of the formula for his rocket fuel.

And now he’s got meaning, he thinks, and importance, he supposes, through a mission. He even referred to his “mission”. Maybe someone sent him on the mission; maybe he made the mission up in his mind. But it seems to me to be remarkably parallel with the “I think I’ll join ISIS” kids. . .a similar psychological profile.


20
Jun 15

The Scary Truth About Bigfoot Hunters

I’m going to guess that if you take 100 “bigfoot hunters”, and looked into their minds, 95 of them would actually really seriously doubt that sasquatch exists. But they won’t admit it. It feels good to be a bigfoot hunter.

And if you’re a bigfoot hunter on tv, it pays too. I’m also going to guess that if you take all the producers and crew of tv shows featuring people hunting for bigfoot, 100% of them will not believe bigfoot exists, because after day after day of shooting knuckleheads stumbling through the forest, pointing goggle eyed at bear poop and bear tracks, suddenly stopping dead on a trail, and gaping about them and saying, “Did you hear that? A strange…call…out there…in the forest…” …after enough of that, you sure as hell don’t believe in bigfoot, still less the credibility of bigfoot hunters.


13
Jun 15

Are Conspiracy Theorists Crazy? Not usually. Mostly, they’re being Decieved.

I think it’s unfair to many of my conspiracy-theory-minded friends to call them crazy. I have other friends who say, “oh those people are nuts”…Some truly hardcore con-theory fanatics are indeed trending into pathological paranoia, or perhaps personality disorders, but I believe that most conspiracy theory believers are sane. Even 911 “truthers” and chemtrail enthusiasts and New World Order theorists–most are sane. They’re just being *misled*. They have been deceived. And there are other problems they face…

1) Many of our con-theory friends are being misled within a media that no one fully understands yet–this media. The internet. For example, you have bogus “leaked footage of missile that hit pentagon” posts and so on, on youtube (any jackass can put anything on youtube), and on sites like “beforeitsnews”, a site shown again and again and again and again to be without merit, without factuality. Yet it’s possible for a site like this to sound superficially convincing. People are “suspending disbelief” in much the same way they do in watching The Hobbit movies, or Dr Who–but they don’t realize they’re doing it. . .These sites exist to *harvest clicks* for the sale of ads or for the sake of the ultimate sale of the site. They deliberately make stuff up, or cherrypick, or exaggerate, or share any damn thing if it increases visits to the site…They don’t care who they lie to or lie about or who it hurts. It’s all about money. They mislead people–for money., and…

2) other conspiracy-theory folks have become invested, psychologically, personally, in a defensive kind of way, in these theories. They spend years, in toto, arguing for them, and it damages the fundament of their self image, what they imagine to be their basic personhood–or they unconsciously fear it will damage it–if they give their treasured theories up. . .Some few are even financially invested–besides the websites I mentioned, there are people paid to lecture and market videos and write books on the subject.

3) I’m going to take a risk on this–it’ll piss even *more* people off. But… Certain people make a big mistake with their *careless* use (notice I said careless use, not use!) of mind altering substances while navigating the treacherous shoals of the internet.Just as you shouldn’t drive drunk, you shouldn’t get baked before considering historic issues in a conspiracy context. You may find that if you get really stoned before going online, and you spend too much time on youtube truther videos or UFO videos or David Icke lectures, you may absorb beliefs you wouldn’t absorb if you spent, say, a week without getting high. Go on the internet high by all means, and enjoy music and humor and art. But other kinds of online pursuits are problematic on drugs. Just as a stoned person will find pareidolia illusion patterns in woodgrain on a wall, they’ll also tend to take too seriously the seductive patterns generated by a conspiracy theorist’s self-serving Connecting of Dots That Don’t Really Connect. Yes–some few people are so intellectually sharp and skilled with dope this won’t happen. Me, I’m not one of those experienced, sharp people–I’d get totally lost if I, say, smoked hash and went online…

*No* I’m not saying pot, hash, psychedelics are bad things! Not! Saying! That! I’m saying there’s a time and place for everything. Parsing historic truth is not the time and place for getting high, in my opinion.

(No I’m NOT saying there are never conspiracies. Iran-Contra, CIA scams to fund unsavory missions with drug money, history showing conspiracies of many kinds–like the one against Julius Caesar. What I’m doing is using the term “conspiracy theory” in its modern manifestation indicating a particular array of beliefs.)


07
Jun 15

Society of Evil Witches: Regarding Free Range Children

A recently intercepted statement in the newsletter that is normally Secretly Distributed by THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF EVIL WITCHES tells us us that Evil Witches have misinterpreted a recent news item about “Free Range Children”:

‘…and I’d really like to know how it got out that we allow many marked children to run free range before we pick them up for harvest when they’re nice and plump about seven or eight years old…I for one am too old–six hundred and fourteen years for Satan’s Sake!–to change my diet significantly now. Additionally, if this kind of thing is widely reported we’ll have to bring children into fattening barns, as we did in the old days. It is so much more economically workable to allow parents–especially in America–to unwittingly fatten the children for us. Vanished-child police reports will be examined more closely, if this goes on…We’ll have to move our dens, and in the end we’ll all be strapped for cash, paying for the barns and the food. We need to find whoever has been speaking indiscreetly about Free Range Children, and subject the loudmouth to punishment.’

It’s only fair that we inform the ISOEW that the report refers to children who are raised with more independence; it does not refer to the food source of evil witches.