When I was young I blurted pretty much any joke that occurred to me. I edit myself now. Yesterday I was in a post office and heard a cock crow thrice–no, I’m not joking. I was in line in the post office and a rooster crowed, loudly and clearly, over and over, and everyone was looking around trying to see where it came from. I thought it must be an odd, annoying ring tone. But no, it was explained–as the rooster went on and on–that one can ship birds, and someone was shipping a rooster, probably to someone planning to use it for breeding chickens, and it was in a special box. I thought about making jokes about cleaning up after the cock crows, and I did not. I thought about joking that the post office workers, oppressed by the Republicans, had to have a chicken farm in the back of the office to make ends meet. That would have annoyed people too–didn’t say it. Just pondered, First time I ever heard a rooster crowing in a post office, and is it a Biblical sign? Will someone again betray Jesus…here?
Other day I was in the Walgreen’s drugstore, surprised that someone was putting out bags of candy Easter eggs already. I looked at this hen-shaped little guy and wanted to say, “Maybe you should be clucking as you put those out.” I did not say it. Don’t want to hurt his feelings.
We have wild turkeys round here, making a gargling laughter sort of gobbling sound in our area, and two flew over the house–yes they can fly, not very high or far– a large male after a small female. The gobbling soon started again. I Dr Doolittled it, and told my wife the guy was saying, check out my plumage, let’s get down, girl, and the girl turkey was saying, I’m not getting pregnant this year, I’m going to relax and eat insects, and he said, come on baby, and she said, No, I’m not going to fall into that trap again–
My wife was not amused. I shouldn’t have tried that joke on her.