The Spectrum of Curmudgeons


Some curmudgeons are digging moats
and filling them with gators,
Some curmudgeons are passing gas
in crowded elevators;
Some curmudgeons are kinda nice
– don’t get on their wrong side–
Some curmudgeons are ladies
rocking a big ol double wide;
Some curmudgeons are laughin’
at this technology,
but they write on facebook
about taxonomy;
some curmudgeons are right-wing,
some are pissed-off old commies–
some curmudgeons hate em all,
and some are lovin’ mommies;
Some curmudgeons wave a cane
but they do it while they dance,
some curmudgeons swear by prayin’–
they ain’t gonna take a chance;
some curmudgeons jeer at churches,
they sneer at all that stuff;
they’ll chase those mormons with their belts,
and if they catch ‘em they get rough;
Some curmudgeons make tater salads;
and bring em to the church,
some curmudgeons sing cowboy ballads
from a horse n’ saddle perch;
Some curmudgeons will spit fire–
they target your neurosis–
some curmudgeons spit only spittle
laced with halitosis;
some curmudgeons growl at kids,
then let them pet their baby kitty;
some curmudgeons have twenty kids–
(they deserve our pity);
Some curmudgeons hate pollution–
some pollute like the Marlboro Man–
some curmudgeons yell at the neighbors
but help them when they can;
The point is there’s a spectrum–
let a zillion curmudgeons bloom:
we know the bastards when we see em:
we’ll plant roses at their tombs…


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