“What Completely Random Harm Can We Do Today?”

“What completely random harm can we do today, Mr President?”

“I don’t know. What do broke old people need?”

“Meals on Wheels?”

“Yeah! You got those old losers freeloading on the rest of us. Defund Meals on Wheels! Oh, and something else–there’s something about trying to get hunters to stop using lead bullets, because it poisons eagles or something.”

“Yes sir, the eagles die slowly and horribly from lead poisoning from eating game with lead bullets.”

“You remember when that eagle attacked me in the video? We gotta stop this ‘protect the eagles’ shit too. We need more lead, not less!”

“Any other harm you wish to do today?”

“I’ll think of something. We starving black kids yet?”

“We’re working on it, sir.”

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