SCIENTISTS REALIZE COSMOS AND TIME ARE GENUINELY INFINITE AND IT FREAKS THEM THE HELL OUT

At a recent Los Angeles scientific conference on Astrophysics and Cosmology, a consensus was reached confirming several definite ideas: 1) that our universe “goes on and on and it’s just incredibly big, you wouldn’t even believe how fucking big it is”; 2) while our particular universe has apparent limits, there are no imaginable limits on the multiverse; 3) while time as we observe it locally comes to an end due to entropy, another loop of time will inevitably be produced by pure random probability; hence, varying reiterations of time will endlessly continue; ie, the 11th-dimension sum of all times and 4) all things, in this eternal regeneration, are extrapolating into infinite variation so that all possible events will inevitably take place in some multiverse-variant time stream, leaving no room for emptiness except for all-consuming nothingness, thus the entire, constantly expanding and collapsing 11-dimension cosmos taken as a whole, in all possible times, is one single crystallized block of the inevitable which prevents everything else because it is itself everything, leaving no room for anything.

Due to confirmation of these principles by inarguable equations and testable experimental results (provided by a new cosmological Artificial Intelligence quantum-computer “Dismaying Perfection One”), seventy-four of the scientists at the cosmology conference curled up on the floor and urinated on themselves. Ninety-seven others sat rocking in their metal folding chairs, quietly sobbing. Seventeen other scientists wandered from the conference and into the street where two were instantly struck by a cars; a second tried feverishly to convince a young woman to have sex with him on the grass of median because “it will happen in the fullness of summary time anyway”; and a middle-aged female scientist stole a motorcycle and rode off down the highway howling; she has not been located by authorities.

Police lab technicians are analyzing the coffee and tea given out at the convention.

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