Annoying Spit Splattered, Neck Jabbing Television Trends

Certain current television conventions, which sometimes overlap into movies, irritate the hell out of me. The latest one is, when people French kiss, they do it face on, nose to nose, instead of turning their heads more naturally at an angle, and then they are going glup-glup glob-glob and simulate pushing giant alien tongues down each others throat, as if they’re trying to mutually lick tonsils. It makes me think of two house painters, who dip big paint brushes into buckets of saliva; they then turn face to face and slap the brushes up and down, up and down sloppy brush on brush. In real life, with anyone who’s not mentally handicapped, kissing that includes tongues is not like a dog sticking its whole snout in a giant bowl of meat-fat and gorging itself. I am not saying French kissing is disgusting–not at all. I’m saying current television “French kissing” is not French kissing at all. It’s some idiot’s idea of passion.

Second, in TV shows people are always sticking syringes in people’s neck, all the way in, to knock them out with some potion. If you jammed a three inch or even two inch needle in someone’s neck they’re not going to wake up just fine. If you just happen to miss the jugular–in the typical show this syringe stabbing in the throat is always done apparently at random, long as it’s in the neck–they might live; and *if* you don’t go too much to the side and hit the spine, they might not become paralyzed; even then you’re going to have an enormous ugly swelling on the neck, and possibly a blood clot, agonizing pain, many broken blood vessels some of which will need surgery. Stick the damn syringe in their hip or something. I suppose they think it’s really *cinematic* to do it this way, with the throat, it looks better, but it’s STUPID. Just add an extra wider shot, if you have to have the neck-jab trank syringe.

That’s if you have to include this whole “syringe in the neck” knockout crap. You don’t–at this point, having it in the story is pure hack writing.

Famously they were having fighting gunmen in gangs and so on turning their pistols sideways to shoot, for awhile. This is fading now, because everyone pointed out to the directors that no one really does this and it’s an ineffective use of a gun. You can’t shoot very accurately that way. So maybe they’ll also stop jamming increasingly large needles in people’s necks and increasingly grotesque tongues into mouths soon.

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