Animals Are Dissolving

I imagine…Two dudes conversing, as their work shift ends, in the very, very near future. They’re smoking pot out in the alley.

“Oh yeah, I just heard on the radio–you hear that the ocean is, like, all, acidifying and animals are, like, dissolving in it? Guy said it’s been going on since, what, 2012…from air pollution or…I don’t know…but they’re like, dissolving…”

“Animals are dissolving in the ocean?! Whoaaaaa. Gnarly! Huh. So…You going to come over and watch that ‘Adult Swim’ thing tonight? It’s a Charlie Sheen Cartoons marathon, dude.”

“Oh yeah, yeah. I’ll bring some pizza.”

“Pizza? You usually bring fish and chips from that place over on, uh…I forget, but you know the place…”

“Oh the fish and chips place is closed. No fish to go with the chips. The fish…they’re dissolving.”

“Oh yeah. Huh. Uh–Okay, cheese and anchovies pizza then?”

“You got it. Oh wait–anchovies are fish, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Dissolved. That’s fucked up, no anchovies. Ha, that’s some adult not-swim. Okay um–cheese and mushrooms?”

“Mushrooms…I think there’s still mushrooms around. I’m pretty sure. But the cheese…milk’s like really super expensive, they don’t have regular cheese. Something about the droughts, nothing to feed the cows, from that global warming stuff. But they got a choice of mother’s milk cheese imported from India, or the synthetic ‘Can’t Tell It’s Not Milk’ cheese…Synthetic’s way cheaper.”

“Uhhhh….the synthetic cheese. With mushrooms.”

“Trill! Meet you there.”

From an actual piece in NewScientist Magazine: “In a small patch of the Southern Ocean, the shells of sea snails are dissolving. The finding is the first evidence that marine life is already suffering as a result of man-made ocean acidification. “This is actually happening now,” says Geraint Tarling of the British Antarctic Survey in Cambridge, UK. He and colleagues captured free-swimming sea snails called pteropods from the Southern Ocean in early 2008 and found under an electron microscope that the outer layers of their hard shells bore signs of unusual corrosion. As well as warming the planet, the carbon dioxide we emit is hanging the chemistry of the ocean.

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