30
Jun 15

Who Would Harm a Cartoon Bird?

Was walking the dogs and saw a couple of cartoon birds. They were California Quail, a male and female, young, cartoonish creatures the like of which find their way into actual cartoons pretty often. They look Disney-designed. The males are pudgy, with sartorially splendid markings, stylish piping of white about black masks, golden yellow speckling a proud breast that looks like something from a Punch illustration of a fat Brit noble–and of course, that bold and impudent plume drooping over their beaks, a kind of apostrophe always setting off the bubbling pip pip noises they make. They run, these guys, more often than they fly, sprinting like roadrunners when pursued. They love a good dust bath too–they totally luxuriate in dust baths.

And they like parties. Once I went out behind my house and found a large covey, or really a whole flock of them, communing along the edges of my roof, on tree branches, the fences–scores and scores of them facing inward into the yard, pipping and plipping at one another. I read that they’re “highly social” and in this case they were positively conventioneers.

On the walk I watched the young quail couple making a single dotted line across the ground through someone’s yard, the female following in the exact turns of the trail left by the male. A charming sight. Sometimes it’s relaxing to unashamedly revel in the site of an adorable, plump little bird with a plume. Who would harm such a–*BLAM!* Dick Cheney at a “game farm”…where “hunters” go into a fenced area, find the little birds, and blow them to pieces, for fun, with a shotgun. Cheney loves to do it with quail, doves, grouse… and if he’s been drinking he might shoot his friend in the face.


25
Jun 15

Why Are There No Flying Cars? Because…

“Where are the flying cars I’ve been waiting for?” There are prototype flying cars, which fly, but there are vast complications with them. For one thing, if you run out of gas in an ordinary car it rolls to a stop on the road; if you run out of gas in a flying car it crashes through a roof, maybe hits a day care center, or smashes into a refinery, or crashes into the river and the person drowns; maybe it crashes into traffic from above, and so on.

Then there’s the question of landing and taking off in one. Sure, most of that can be automatic, in many cases, especially as such techs evolve, but even then–where do you put all those runways? Even if it’s landing pads you need lots of them for lots of flying cars…Then there’s air traffic. We already have air traffic–we’d have to route flying cars around and through it. How complex is that? Will the signals for directing flying cars onto a specific route interfere with plane tech?

You could say we already have another sort of flying car–they’re called helicopters.


21
Jun 15

Annoying Spit Splattered, Neck Jabbing Television Trends

Certain current television conventions, which sometimes overlap into movies, irritate the hell out of me. The latest one is, when people French kiss, they do it face on, nose to nose, instead of turning their heads more naturally at an angle, and then they are going glup-glup glob-glob and simulate pushing giant alien tongues down each others throat, as if they’re trying to mutually lick tonsils. It makes me think of two house painters, who dip big paint brushes into buckets of saliva; they then turn face to face and slap the brushes up and down, up and down sloppy brush on brush. In real life, with anyone who’s not mentally handicapped, kissing that includes tongues is not like a dog sticking its whole snout in a giant bowl of meat-fat and gorging itself. I am not saying French kissing is disgusting–not at all. I’m saying current television “French kissing” is not French kissing at all. It’s some idiot’s idea of passion.

Second, in TV shows people are always sticking syringes in people’s neck, all the way in, to knock them out with some potion. If you jammed a three inch or even two inch needle in someone’s neck they’re not going to wake up just fine. If you just happen to miss the jugular–in the typical show this syringe stabbing in the throat is always done apparently at random, long as it’s in the neck–they might live; and *if* you don’t go too much to the side and hit the spine, they might not become paralyzed; even then you’re going to have an enormous ugly swelling on the neck, and possibly a blood clot, agonizing pain, many broken blood vessels some of which will need surgery. Stick the damn syringe in their hip or something. I suppose they think it’s really *cinematic* to do it this way, with the throat, it looks better, but it’s STUPID. Just add an extra wider shot, if you have to have the neck-jab trank syringe.

That’s if you have to include this whole “syringe in the neck” knockout crap. You don’t–at this point, having it in the story is pure hack writing.

Famously they were having fighting gunmen in gangs and so on turning their pistols sideways to shoot, for awhile. This is fading now, because everyone pointed out to the directors that no one really does this and it’s an ineffective use of a gun. You can’t shoot very accurately that way. So maybe they’ll also stop jamming increasingly large needles in people’s necks and increasingly grotesque tongues into mouths soon.


20
Jun 15

What the Charleston Mass-murderer Has in Common With the Very Few Americans Who Try to Join ISIS

I think the Charleston shooter did it for the same basic “reason”, the misguided reason, that a very few young American Muslims join ISIS. Because they feel centerless, unfocused, unappreciated, powerless, empty. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the normal feeling of not knowing what to do with life, common to a young person; I don’t mean normal youthful confusion. I mean, things are worse now. They can’t find a place in the world–simply as young men. This makes them prey to extremists.

So this young man, who once had some black friends, feels the way those lost ISIS recruits feel–and he falls in with online racists, possibly through the racist youth organization Stormfront–and local racists too, no doubt…and he wants to belong, wants respect. And he’s angry, all the time, anyway. We don’t know why yet. But that’s part of the formula for his rocket fuel.

And now he’s got meaning, he thinks, and importance, he supposes, through a mission. He even referred to his “mission”. Maybe someone sent him on the mission; maybe he made the mission up in his mind. But it seems to me to be remarkably parallel with the “I think I’ll join ISIS” kids. . .a similar psychological profile.


20
Jun 15

The Scary Truth About Bigfoot Hunters

I’m going to guess that if you take 100 “bigfoot hunters”, and looked into their minds, 95 of them would actually really seriously doubt that sasquatch exists. But they won’t admit it. It feels good to be a bigfoot hunter.

And if you’re a bigfoot hunter on tv, it pays too. I’m also going to guess that if you take all the producers and crew of tv shows featuring people hunting for bigfoot, 100% of them will not believe bigfoot exists, because after day after day of shooting knuckleheads stumbling through the forest, pointing goggle eyed at bear poop and bear tracks, suddenly stopping dead on a trail, and gaping about them and saying, “Did you hear that? A strange…call…out there…in the forest…” …after enough of that, you sure as hell don’t believe in bigfoot, still less the credibility of bigfoot hunters.


13
Jun 15

Are Conspiracy Theorists Crazy? Not usually. Mostly, they’re being Decieved.

I think it’s unfair to many of my conspiracy-theory-minded friends to call them crazy. I have other friends who say, “oh those people are nuts”…Some truly hardcore con-theory fanatics are indeed trending into pathological paranoia, or perhaps personality disorders, but I believe that most conspiracy theory believers are sane. Even 911 “truthers” and chemtrail enthusiasts and New World Order theorists–most are sane. They’re just being *misled*. They have been deceived. And there are other problems they face…

1) Many of our con-theory friends are being misled within a media that no one fully understands yet–this media. The internet. For example, you have bogus “leaked footage of missile that hit pentagon” posts and so on, on youtube (any jackass can put anything on youtube), and on sites like “beforeitsnews”, a site shown again and again and again and again to be without merit, without factuality. Yet it’s possible for a site like this to sound superficially convincing. People are “suspending disbelief” in much the same way they do in watching The Hobbit movies, or Dr Who–but they don’t realize they’re doing it. . .These sites exist to *harvest clicks* for the sale of ads or for the sake of the ultimate sale of the site. They deliberately make stuff up, or cherrypick, or exaggerate, or share any damn thing if it increases visits to the site…They don’t care who they lie to or lie about or who it hurts. It’s all about money. They mislead people–for money., and…

2) other conspiracy-theory folks have become invested, psychologically, personally, in a defensive kind of way, in these theories. They spend years, in toto, arguing for them, and it damages the fundament of their self image, what they imagine to be their basic personhood–or they unconsciously fear it will damage it–if they give their treasured theories up. . .Some few are even financially invested–besides the websites I mentioned, there are people paid to lecture and market videos and write books on the subject.

3) I’m going to take a risk on this–it’ll piss even *more* people off. But… Certain people make a big mistake with their *careless* use (notice I said careless use, not use!) of mind altering substances while navigating the treacherous shoals of the internet.Just as you shouldn’t drive drunk, you shouldn’t get baked before considering historic issues in a conspiracy context. You may find that if you get really stoned before going online, and you spend too much time on youtube truther videos or UFO videos or David Icke lectures, you may absorb beliefs you wouldn’t absorb if you spent, say, a week without getting high. Go on the internet high by all means, and enjoy music and humor and art. But other kinds of online pursuits are problematic on drugs. Just as a stoned person will find pareidolia illusion patterns in woodgrain on a wall, they’ll also tend to take too seriously the seductive patterns generated by a conspiracy theorist’s self-serving Connecting of Dots That Don’t Really Connect. Yes–some few people are so intellectually sharp and skilled with dope this won’t happen. Me, I’m not one of those experienced, sharp people–I’d get totally lost if I, say, smoked hash and went online…

*No* I’m not saying pot, hash, psychedelics are bad things! Not! Saying! That! I’m saying there’s a time and place for everything. Parsing historic truth is not the time and place for getting high, in my opinion.

(No I’m NOT saying there are never conspiracies. Iran-Contra, CIA scams to fund unsavory missions with drug money, history showing conspiracies of many kinds–like the one against Julius Caesar. What I’m doing is using the term “conspiracy theory” in its modern manifestation indicating a particular array of beliefs.)


07
Jun 15

Society of Evil Witches: Regarding Free Range Children

A recently intercepted statement in the newsletter that is normally Secretly Distributed by THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF EVIL WITCHES tells us us that Evil Witches have misinterpreted a recent news item about “Free Range Children”:

‘…and I’d really like to know how it got out that we allow many marked children to run free range before we pick them up for harvest when they’re nice and plump about seven or eight years old…I for one am too old–six hundred and fourteen years for Satan’s Sake!–to change my diet significantly now. Additionally, if this kind of thing is widely reported we’ll have to bring children into fattening barns, as we did in the old days. It is so much more economically workable to allow parents–especially in America–to unwittingly fatten the children for us. Vanished-child police reports will be examined more closely, if this goes on…We’ll have to move our dens, and in the end we’ll all be strapped for cash, paying for the barns and the food. We need to find whoever has been speaking indiscreetly about Free Range Children, and subject the loudmouth to punishment.’

It’s only fair that we inform the ISOEW that the report refers to children who are raised with more independence; it does not refer to the food source of evil witches.


03
Jun 15

ADVICE TO HUMANS FROM CALIFORNIA CATS ON WATER CRISIS

*CATS OF CALIFORNIA* PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for HUMANS. HOW TO DEAL WITH CALIFORNIA DROUGHT CRISIS. [I found this leaning against the cat box this morning. It had paw prints on it.] 1) Humans! Do not shower or take a bath, that uses too much water. Instead, LICK YOURSELF CLEAN. You simply need to do more stretching and generally become more physically flexible. Start licking at your shoulders, work your way down your body, while in a sitting or half sitting position.

Lick all your body parts. With enough stretching you can reach them all. Be sure not to neglect legs and feet. While licking feet, spread your toes to lick in between them….Since you are disgustingly near-hairless you will not likely have to spit up furballs. If you do, don’t worry about it. It actually feels good. …2) Urinate outside, this serves not only to mark your territory but it means you don’t need to use toilet flushing water. Or, urinate in a box full of sand.

You are welcome. Give us treats, pet us if we request it, otherwise don’t bother us.


01
Jun 15

Why Do We Accept Fraudulent Advertising?

Caught part of a Dr Phil as we were drinking morning coffee about a lonely middle aged lady who’d given more than a MILLION dollars to a guy in Nigeria, a few thousand at first then tens of thousands at a time, obsessively using up all her inheritance because the guy said he loved her. Dr Phil gravely warned people about this kind of fraud–then THE COMMERCIALS for DR PHIL’S SHOW CAME ON and the first was about a “solar mask”, a literal full-face mask with little lights on it that you put on ’cause it makes you YOUNG AGAIN. Then another commercial came on about a cream that “takes away wrinkles overnight”. (Doesn’t the FDA watch television?) Commercial after commercial came on offering products with wildly irresponsible exaggerations–sometimes flat-out completely utterly fraudulent.

Then came a commercial *disguised as a news report* from our local “News 4″, part of their series called “Medical Minute”. News 4 does report real news but they also put up these paid-for “reports”…this one as about “cold sculpting” to remove body fat but it was actually a flat out paid commercial, not a real medical report. So how is that not deceptive? … I’ve been complaining about this for years.

Even respectable newspapers, which regularly report on fraud, run dishonest full page ads. Yes it says advertising in the corner of the ad. So? If it’s obviously a fraud, why is it not a fraud when it says “advertisement” in the corner of the page? If you were to corner the department heads selling ads they would say “we have no way of knowing if this is valid, we just sell ads”. Really? They have no way to know that the “solar mask that makes you young again” is fraud?

That’s a lie. It’s hypocrisy. The channels know damn well this stuff is fraudulent

Most people say, “Ha, if you believe that stuff you deserve to get ripped off…” Oh yes? So it’s okay to take advantage of stupid people? Why not just talk a mentally handicapped person out of their wallet? People who are afraid of old age and who resort to these fraudulent “cures” aren’t just a bit dull witted–they’re scared and they’re ignorant. I see no reason that scared, ignorant, foolish people should not be protected. It’s the right thing to do.


31
May 15

CHEP…CHIRP….ATTAAAAAAACK!

We try to keep the murderous thug in the house, but sometimes he escapes–and sometimes there are vigilantes waiting for him. I refer to our thuggish black cat (who has been known to steal neighbor cats’ food and pet toys). He likes to go out and kill birds…

But lately he’s been attacked by birds, mostly mockingbirds, who give off a distinctive warning sound when he appears. I’ve observed this, heard this, over and over. The sound is like, “CHEP! …CHEP!…CHEP!..CHEP!” Not cheep–chep. A harsh repetitive sound, like an alarm siren. It’s like they’re saying, “Cat!…Cat!..Cat!” Then–the mockingbird dives at the cat and, sometimes striking it with its claws. The mockingbird often adds a second sound –softer–like “CHEP!…chirp…CHEP!…chirp….” ANd when it does this *another mockingbird shows up.*. It’s well known that birds sometimes call for assistance…When this happens, the cat pussies out, his thug ways vanish–he has no instinct for repelling this kind of assault–and makes a pathetic “Meep!” sound, then runs and hides under low hanging limbs.

To my surprise, the mockingbird will sometimes hover, in the course of this harassment. Most birds can hover, but many only do it on special occasions, it appears.

Meanwhile this thug cat comes in and whines to me that he’s being persecuted by the birds. He’s actually been driven to take refuge back in the house by them at times…